Woman Appoints Best Friend as ‘Personal Attendant’ Instead of a Bridesmaid, Friend Refuses to Accept the Part, Claiming It’s Insulting

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Sep 27, 2024 9:00 PM EDT

Any girl who had to be a bridesmaid more than once knows that it is quite a big role to take on. It is a lot of responsibility, a lot of work, and often not a lot of fun. So once you have done it once or twice for your closest friends, you might find that attending a wedding as a guest is much more fun than as a bridesmaid.

This is why I can't imagine why someone would agree to do all the work of a bridesmaid without actually being a bridesmaid, like what the woman in this Reddit story was asked to do. Instead of asking her to be a bridesmaid, her best friend appointed her as a 'personal attendant', which means that she has to do all the responsibilities of a maid-of-honor, without being a part of the wedding party. OP (original poster) is now understandably hurt by the appointment and seriously considers telling her friend she rather take part in the wedding as a mere guest.

Scroll down to read the full story. After you are done, click here for another wedding drama story between the main-of-honor and the bride.

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  • 01
    Sorry about that. But in my heart you're definitely a bridesmaid, I hope you know that. I love you and I want you to be part of my special day and I want you to feel loved and not feel like your role isn't important.
    via Kama Linden
  • 02
    AIO my best friend asked me to be her personal attendant at her wedding instead of a bridesmaid?
    via Greedy-Woodpecker852
  • 03
    A little context: my best friend and I (both F31) have known each other since second grade. She's my longest and dearest and best friend, although we haven't lived in the same state since we were
    via Greedy-Woodpecker852
  • 04
    thirteen and like any normal and healthy adult friendship communication ebbs and flows throughout the years so we're not in constant communication every single day, although I would say
    via Greedy-Woodpecker852
  • 05
    that that doesn't change the status of our friendship and I still consider her one of my closest friends and that doesn't change the fact that we've been each other's longest friends. I'll call this friend Christy.
    via Greedy-Woodpecker852
  • 06
    We also have another friend (We'll call him Micah) who has been one of our best friends since around fifth grade and the three of us were best friends growing up all throughout childhood and high school into our adulthood.
    via Greedy-Woodpecker852
  • 07
    A few weeks ago Christy got engaged. She sent me a package in the mail with a box that says, "Will you be my personal attendant?" with a pajama set with my name on it that's the
    via Greedy-Woodpecker852
  • 08
    same colour of her bridesmaid's dresses and a note saying, "I can't picture my special day without you in it." I texted her and told her I got her package. She sent me this text: "So I wanted to explain
    via Greedy-Woodpecker852
  • 09
    what that meant. You're definitely part of the bridal party of course but the only difference is you won't be next to me during the ceremony. And the only reason for that is because Micah is (groom's) personal attendant and
    via Greedy-Woodpecker852
  • 10
    he won't be up next to (groom) because he'll be playing guitar during the ceremony and we didn't want the mismatch of numbers. Sorry about that. But in my heart you're definitely a bridesmaid, I hope you know that.
    via Greedy-Woodpecker852
  • 11
    I love you and I want you to be part of my special day and I want you to feel loved and not feel like your role isn't important." Am I overreacting being a little offended by this request? First, isn't it the maid of honour's duties
    via Greedy-Woodpecker852
  • 12
    to do what the personal attendant does? Like fix the bride's hair and makeup and dress? I wouldn't mind helping with those things, but to be told then that I won't be a bridesmaid? I think I would rather just be invited as a guest.
    via Greedy-Woodpecker852
  • 13
    Of course I know it isn't about me and I love my friend and want to celebrate her special day with her but I find it odd to explicitly tell me that I'm not a bridesmaid. Or the fact that Micah and I are her oldest, closest friends and we're
    via Greedy-Woodpecker852
  • 14
    not "technically" part of the wedding party and it almost feels like she's employing us, him as her wedding singer and me as her assistant. My partner is trying to help me see logic in this, like it really is just
    via Greedy-Woodpecker852
  • 15
    about her not wanting to have an imbalance of who is standing with her at the ceremony but... am I overreacting thinking as her best friend since second grade, I should be a little offended by this request to be a personal attendant in lieu of a bridesmaid? Or is it just a title?
    via Greedy-Woodpecker852
  • 16
    abedrinkn hehe this happened to me, too. I was part of the "bridal party" but the uneven numbers left me out of being an actual bridesmaid. I felt so left out, they asked me to be there with everyone else and I just kinda did things for everyone
    via abedrinkn
  • 17
    while they got their hair/makeup done drinking mimosas. I also drank mimosas and grew more spiteful as the evening went on. Definitely NOR. It hurts.
    via abedrinkn
  • 18
    Ordinary_Volume 1524 You're absolutely not overreacting! Who says "but in my heart you're definitely a bridesmaid"? Respond and say you're honored she thought so little of you but you can't accept role, but in your heart you'll be her personal attendant and will be attending only as a guest.
    via Ordinary_Volume1524
  • 19
    Abject_Director7626 Maybe it's just that while you are her LONGEST friend, she has relationships and friendships where she does talk to or even see this person everyday and so feels CLOSER to them. You haven't
    via Abject_Director7626
  • 20
    lived in the same state since you weee thirteen, I think it's kinda weird you are so offended. Was she your maid of honor at your wedding?
    via Abject_Director7626
  • 21
    Greedy-Woodpecker... OP It's less about being a bridesmaid and more about rather going as a normal guest than wanting to go having to do bridesmaid duties that either a paid professional should do doing or.. someone who actually is a bridesmaid should be doing. Not me, who is neither.
    via Greedy-Woodpecker852
  • 22
    Abject_Director7626 You didn't answer- was she your maid of honor? Did she help you get ready for your wedding?
    via Abject_Director7626
  • 23
    Greedy-Woodpecker... OP I'm not married.
    via Greedy-Woodpecker852
  • 24
    CartographerFew8097 The pajama set matching the bridal party
    via CartographerFew8097
  • 25
    Greedy-Woodpecker... OP In my head I was imagining it was for the bridal party having a slumber party before the wedding and all wearing matching PJs or something and me being there to serve them all drinks.
    via Greedy-Woodpecker852
  • 26
    chalkletkween Bee - Ehhh its not your wedding. Its not like she asked you to do security in the parking lot. Its title in a ceremony for a wedding. Its okay to feel slighted, your feelings are valid, BUT they're not integral to that days goal which is
    via chalkletkweenBee
  • 27
    a wedding ceremony. You can tell her how you feel about it since you're friends, but I wouldn't make it a thing. Her request is reasonable, and you're her best friend.
    via chalkletkweenBee
  • 28
    Greedy-Woodpecker852 OP But it's not really just a title. Maybe I won't be out in the parking lot, but I'll be expected to do errands for her the whole day, and it's true | don't know how little or demanding she's going to be, but I'm saying I'd rather experience the wedding as a guest rather than an assistant to her the entire time.
    via Greedy-Woodpecker852
  • 29
    SuzCoffeeBean You're not overreacting. It's an insult regardless of how it was intended. Yes the maid of HONOUR attends to the bride & gets the recognition.
    via SuzCoffeeBean

Tags

friendship bride groom wedding party drama wedding drama bridesmaids friends reddit story girlfriend wedding bridesmaid Reddit women Maid Of Honor
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